I’m currently running a 48 hour promo sales campaign on Amazon for 99 cents (ebook version). In order to give my potential readers a taste of my book I would like to share an excerpt from “The Uncensored Truth: Let’s Talk About Sex” with you. The following is a part of chapter 18:
TRUTH AND FICTION
People’s sexual desires are as unique as their personality traits. You’d be surprised how many people are way less “vanilla” (meaning ordinary) than you think. The shy guy you meet every day at the office might be the one who’s a foot fetishist, or the lady who works at the bank might be into autoerotic asphyxia (a practice where the person has an orgasm while being strangled in some form). You never know what really hides behind someone’s façade. You need to consider that when you get into a relationship with someone, there could be a lot of “dark secrets.” I use that term with great reluctance because it insinuates that it’s something negative. I do so because it’s a common phrase for hidden desires but in no way do I mean to berate anyone’s sexual preferences. It takes time to reveal certain things to a new partner. Aside from that, many people feel reluctant because they had a negative experience in the past when a partner didn’t take their “confession” so well. For a person to come forward with something a bit out of the ordinary, it often takes some guts and maybe a little time to build up enough confidence and trust to do so. When that happens (if your partner is brings it up), it’s best to keep an open mind and see if it’s something you might want to try out. Most importantly, don’t berate them in any form. Oftentimes these desires are not so far “out there,” meaning it could be something simple as a guy wanting his lady to wear a certain outfit, spank her, likes it a bit rough, or wants her to do more dirty talk. It goes without saying that it could be the other way around. You want something a bit more unique and you’re afraid to say it.
Here is my take on it: It’s definitely better to bring it up to find out if you’re sexually compatible. There are a lot of things people can try, but sometimes it might be too much of a stretch (for example if someone wants to be seriously hurt while having sex).
The same goes for a very different libido. For the most part, if you have the kind of incredible sex as discussed in this book, that shouldn’t be a problem because you’re in a sexual paradise but, in some cases, it could still be an issue. Let’s say one wants to have sex 4, 5 times a day, while the other can’t handle more than two, 3 times a week.
If the sexual preferences are very different and you can’t compromise in some form, I can pretty much guarantee you that the relationship will not work out. Unfortunately, people often end up dragging it out, sometimes for years, before the inevitable happens and they part ways.
I knew a couple where the woman was very “mainstream” sexually, while the man was rather exotic. He was into sex with transsexuals and transgender people and had a thing for very young women (he and his girlfriend were middle aged). He loved the BDSM scene, exotic porn, anything out of the ordinary – you name it. While he was a really nice guy and loved her, he was living a double life and had been for years and he knew that she could never deal with his secret. They loved each other very much but by chance (he was in the hospital and she went through his stuff to bring him clothes) she found out about it. Obviously she was deeply hurt, and he felt very embarrassed. Ultimately it resulted in a break up. One can argue if they couldn’t have saved years by being more open with each other, and ultimately prevented a lot of pain, as a breakup is always inevitably harder the longer you’re together. I think it’s never smart to let it come that far, because eventually it will come out, one way or another. The hard truth is that one can’t suppress their true nature forever, no matter how much they love their partner.
While there are a lot of things people can try if they keep an open mind to make it work, some things are just not doable. For those who are in such a situation, whether you suspect it with your partner or you’re the one who’s carrying around a dark secret, try to approach the subject with your partner in a subtle, understanding way. Signal that you’re okay with talking about it. Yes, it will take a lot of guts to bring it up, but never forget that your partner loves you. Hopefully, they will react in a way that reflects their love. If not, it just adds to the fact that you’re partnership was not meant to be. As long as these conversations are handled with dignity, respect, and love, it should be fine whether you want to try and experiment with whatever the fantasy or preference or not and it’s the end of the road for the two of you.
The Uncensored Truth: Let’s Talk About Sex
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